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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376409">Just In Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecolorofthestars/pseuds/thecolorofthestars'>thecolorofthestars</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kpop Hurt/Comfort Fics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Getting Past No Mercy, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Im Changkyun | I.M, Other, Physical Abuse, Platonic Relationships, Sad Im Changkyun | I.M, Sad with a Happy Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:16:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecolorofthestars/pseuds/thecolorofthestars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He was now part of a group and they were going to debut. His joy and shock was short lived because even though he'd seemingly made it to the finish. His next uphill battle was just beginning.</p><p>or</p><p>Just a angst filled getting past new mercy fic because i love to suffer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Changkyun | I.M &amp; Everyone, Im Changkyun | I.M &amp; Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun | I.M &amp; Monsta X Ensemble</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kpop Hurt/Comfort Fics [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2078268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not edited for mistakes but hopefully it bearable. Hope you guys enjoy. Comments are welcome. </p><p>Happy Reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>From the moment his name was called by the producers and he was led to the forefront with the rest of his future group mates. Well he supposed they were his group mates now. He was now part of a group and they were going to debut. His joy and shock was short lived because even though he'd seemingly made it to the finish. His next uphill battle was just beginning.</p><p>Changkyun knew that without a doubt the way into his members' hearts wouldn’t be an easy or speedy process but he had to give it a shot. If they were going to succeed as a group they had to at least get along and tolerate each other, but he didn't want the amiability to be out of just obligation. He turned over once again and then willed himself to still and his mind to stop running for the night lest he disrupt his roommates with his constant tossing and turning. Eventually he succumbed to a restless sleep.</p><p>He was unceremoniously shaken awake followed by Jooheon’s gruff, “Hurry and get dressed or we’ll be late”. He blinked awake blearily and felt around for his phone the bright light burning his sleep riddled eyes</p><p>
  <em> 3:32am </em>
</p><p>He sighed and barely resisted the urge to throw himself back into the bedding and just curl up and sleep. He stumbled to his shared wardrobe with Minhyuk, barely gazing at his slim selection with the help from the hallway light that was gently peering in, he chose some sweats and a warm hoodie. The weather was slowly growing colder to where he actually had to throw on warmer clothes for their early morning practices. After dressing he peeked to see if the bathroom was occupied. Luckily it wasn't and he shuffled in, closing and locking the door behind him for the added privacy. He looked at his face. His tiredness clearly palpable, by his pale skin and under eye bags making his face look gaunt and borderline lifeless. He quickly scrubbed his face of the remaining sleep before padding into the living room where he found some of the other members listlessly lounging about while they waited for their manager. </p><p>Minhyuk and Jooheon were leaning their heads on either side of Hoseok, who was scrolling through his phone aimlessly. None of them spared him a second glance when he walked in, quietly slinking over to the unoccupied loveseat he figured the others wouldn't be out until their manager came to pick them up. </p><p>He could hear Kihyun clamoring in the kitchen no doubt preparing a quick on the go breakfast or snacks for later. Hyunwoo with luck had hopefully wrangled Hyungwon out of bed lest the sleep riddled man face Kihyun's wrath. Eventually Hyunwoo came out practically dragging along a still mostly asleep hyungwon and depositing him on the couch next to Changkyun before soldering back into his room, probably to get his own things ready, having helped gotten everyone else going.</p><p>He didn’t have time to dwell on that though because he tenses ever so slightly when Hyungwon is pressed into the couch. The other doesn’t even mind him as he instantly leans lazily into the couch and closes his eyes that were already small barely open slits. Changkyun stills not leaning away lest he offend the sleepy man or any of the other members if they were to notice. They always seemed to be watching when it came to him slipping up whether it be not being polite enough to him being inconsistent and slipping up during dance practice. </p><p>He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Kihyun standing in front of him. A strange look on his face that looked somewhere between annoyance and some other emotion that Changkyun couldn’t pinpoint.</p><p>"Here." Kihyun held out the neatly wrapped package to him. He figured it was some kind of roll or breakfast item. “You need to keep up during dance practice.” he says all but pushing it at him. </p><p>Changkyun snapped out of his stupor grabbing the item before bowing his head and muttering a quick, “Thank you, hyung.” Kihyun gave a nod accompanied by a small hum. </p><p>
  <em> ‘You need to keep up during dance practice’  </em>
</p><p>Kihyun’s words replayed in his head. Of course the older was only worried about his ability to keep up during practice because it would directly affect the group. He bit the inside of his cheek trying to quell his hurt and reign in his emotions. </p><p>He knew that things wouldn’t get better overnight. He had to keep up the charade for their public appearances and with their upcoming debut he had to at least become the “good maknae” everyone expected him to be.</p><p>"Managers here." Hyunwoo's statement was accompanied by a bunch of sleepy sighs and groans. Which Kihyun was quick to reprimand and file everyone out the door and into the company van before they were on the way to one of their interviews for the day.</p><p>~</p><p><em> ‘Jump. Slide. Crouch. Move behind Minhyuk then-’ </em>The mantra he’d been repeating in his head for the last hour was interrupted by his own small gasp at being jolted forward nearly tripping on his own feet. The music stopped and behind him he could hear the frustrated sighs of his teammates and could practically feel the dirty looks they were no doubt throwing his way.</p><p>He bowed his head in apology not meeting any of their gazes before muttering out a small apology. The scoffs and huffs of displeasure were the only response until Hyunwoo spoke up trying to placate the situation before it escalated it any further.</p><p>“Alright, give it another ten minutes and if no progress is made then we’ll call it a night. It’s been a long day and i know everyone is tired.” Hyunwoo said before turn to Changkyun muttering that they all have that dance that's hard for them to master. Changkyun tried to ignore Hoseok's palpable eye-roll as his eyes refused to meet Hyunwoo's. </p><p>“I don’t see why we all have to stay even if we're clearly not the problem here.” Minhyuk muttered under his breath, earning an elbow to the ribs from Kihyun. Changkyun flinched slightly at the comment. After a few more run-throughs with very little progress, Hyunwoo sighed, relenting to the others whining requests of calling it a day and telling everyone to pack up. </p><p>Changkyun gathered his courage, taking a deep breath and crossing the space between him and their huge bear-like leader. The older man honestly never looked more intimidating then he did right at this moment. </p><p><em> ‘Now or never Changkyun.’ </em> He told himself.</p><p>"Hyung" waiting only a few seconds for the other to turn his attention to him before continuing for fear of losing his nerve. "I was wondering if...if it'd be okay if I stayed back a bit longer? To work on this dance some more."</p><p>As soon as the words left his mouth he held his breath in anticipation, waiting for the leader's answer. Changkyun wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he wished their leader would hurry and answer him. He looked up, catching Hyunwoo’s gaze for only a split second, barely catching their leader's small nod, before his gaze dropped back to the hardwood floor. </p><p>“That’s fine, but be sure to be back before curfew and make sure you put up the music equipment and lock up before you leave.” Hyunwoo said a small crease between his eyebrows as he pointedly looked at Changkyun.</p><p>“Yes, hyung. I’ll be back on time..and i’ll put everything away.” he said as Hyunwoo handed him the key to their practice room. </p><p>“Alright then, we’ll see you at home then.” Hyunwoo said before slinging his bag over his shoulder and heading out. Changkyun got into position as his members were filing out. Kihyun spared him a glance, their eyes meeting through the practice room mirrors and he sent a small nod towards the elder as the music started up. </p><p>Kihyun looked like he wanted to say something if the twitch of his lips and the slight flinch of surprise when Minhyuk threw himself at him, which drew his attention towards the other singer and away from Changkyun.</p><p>A few runs in and his mind starts to wander. He was glad he was on his way to debut but he always wondered what it would have been like to debut with his Nu'bility hyungs. The brothers he had trained with. The ones he had cried with and put in work with. That he was actually close with. That he could confide in. The ones that he could laugh with. </p><p>He remembered the multiple times they'd stay late and just sit in their practice room for what felt like hours and just talk. Then there were the less frequent but no less happy moments where they all pitched in for late night snacks and convenient store ramen, the fact that they were supposed to be watching their weight forgotten, and a bench outside. Eating and enjoying each other's company while telling stories back from home or just how they felt that day.</p><p>Changkyun snapped back into reality and went to wipe his face of sweat but noticed that the salty water on his face wasn't just from the extra hours he's put into trying to perfect the dance, but from the tears streaming down his face. His hands instantly went to scrub his face of the evidence of his tears as he went to retrieve his water bottle. He peaked a glance at his phone and saw that he had a few notifications from his current hyungs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> jooheon </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 8:52pm </em>
</p><p>'dinner will be ready in 20. are you joining us?'</p><p>
  <em> 10;42 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Missed call from kihyun </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 10:55 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Missed call from kihyun </em>
</p><p>Changkyun looked at the time stamp at the corner of his phone and cringed at what he saw.</p><p>
  <em> 11:24pm </em>
</p><p> </p><p>‘Shit’ he cursed silently. Not only was he nearly 30 minutes past curfew but he completely missed dinner. Kihyun and Hyunwoo were going to kill him. A mad scramble to put away the equipment and he was on his way home, foregoing the bus because the wait would put him even more past curfew then the nearly hour that he already was. He’d have to tell them the truth, that the bus ran late and he’d lost track of time, but conveniently leave out the fact that he'd walked lest that anger the older members even more. </p><p>He slowed his steps as he came closer to the dorms, it wasn’t helping the fact that he was going to be later than he already was. His hyungs were usually pretty lenient when it came to curfew  though Kihyun had made it clear to everyone that they had to check in with him or Hyunwoo. Mind racing he didn’t know how his explanations would hold up in this situation, especially considering that they had to be up and back at the company in a few hours for their schedules. </p><p>When he came to the dorms he gulped quietly as he climbed the stairs, his hands becoming clammy. His stomach dropping as he punched in the code to their dorm. Quietly he pushed open the door and was met with the dim light of the lamp in the corner of their living room and Kihyun on their loveseat scrolling through his phone. The elder looked up meeting his eyes before Changkyun heard the click of his phone locking.</p><p>“You’re late. 47 minutes late to be exact.” Kihyun said flatly looking at Changkyun with a stern nonplussed look, he honestly wasn’t even sure if he should answer the elder at this point or wait for the inevitable scolding that was coming. “Do you have no shame? We trust you with staying back and you blatantly disregard the rules we have set up. What if we had an emergency and couldn’t contact you? What if something had happened to <em> you </em>?" Kihyun said a small questioning yet irritated hum nailing his point home. "What do you have to say for yourself?” Kihyun hissed, keeping his voice low so as not to wake the others</p><p>“I’m sorry hyung. I-I lost track of time while practicing and the bus ran late.” He said softly, eyes skittering downward and already feeling that tell tale prick of tears. He hadn't ever really been in trouble with this particular set of hyungs, save for their initial cold behavior towards him which he was used to.</p><p>He heard Kihyun scoff and the elder scrubbed a hand down his face before taking a deep breath and sighing. A heavy feeling settled in his chest and his throat felt like it'd been thrown in a vice. “Get to bed and get some sleep. We have to be up in a few hours. We'll talk about this later."</p><p>Changkyun felt the vice like grip tighten in his throat as he nodded and Kihyun gave him one last look seemingly wanting to say more but deciding against it. His retreating back was the last thing he saw and then he was alone again. </p><p>"I really am sorry, hyung." Changkyun whispered to the empty room. </p><p>Why did he have to keep messing up like this. This kind of setback was the last thing he needed. He didn't let his emotions out until he was under the hot spray of the shower head. Changkyun let his tears wash down the drain along with the sweat and grime of the day. He let his head lean against the cool tile of the shower and savored the contrast of his skin made hot by the water and the cold tile. He sighed putting up his brave face and emotional walls back up and hoped that tomorrow would be better as he drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Not beta read sorry for any typos. Enjoy the chapter though, happy reading!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kihyun frowned at no one in particular just the current tense atmosphere in the dorm and the day had barely begun. He hummed a rhythmless tune as he finished and wrapped the breakfast rolls he had been working on. The company food wasn't his members favorite so he decided that he’d be merciful this particular morning and make them breakfast. </p>
<p>The sound of scuffling brought him out of the kitchen to Hyungwon being wrangled in and sat on the couch by Hyunwoo, whom he threw a grateful smile at having gotten the most troublesome member out of bed and seemingly set off a chain reaction and gotten the rest of them out of bed.</p>
<p>He walked over and handed Hoseok, Minhyuk and Jooheon each a breakfast roll getting sleepy but grateful thanks. Especially from their resident foodie Jooheon who thanked him dramatically and Kihyun fondly rolled his eyes spewing out loving threats to stop kissing up to him which caused the other to whine playfully. </p>
<p>He brought his gaze to look at the love seat on the other side of the room where Hyungwon and changkyun were sitting. As he approached Hyungwon cracked open an eye sensing his approach, and thanking him when he handed the sleepy man a roll.  </p>
<p>On the other hand, Changkyun’s lack of reaction  was off putting to Kihyun because the other hadn’t even seemingly been aware of his approach until he had held out the breakfast item and said the younger's name. </p>
<p>The confused look put Kihyun more on edge then ever but he pushed down those emotions in favor of using avoidance tactics and the old excuse that he didn't care. Because as time went on and the more he surveyed the younger how could he not care?. “You need to keep up during practice.”</p>
<p>The other practically scrambled to grab the item, looking like an apology was on his tongue but instead amended to a ‘Thank you, hyung’.</p>
<p>Kihyun hummed, looking at the maknae seemingly returning back inside himself and getting lost in his own head. It was something he'd slowly have to try to change. The fact that the boy also looked pale and gaunt wasn't lost on him or the other members.</p>
<p>The thing was; just how were they supposed to approach the situation when they made it so clear they didn't care nor want him here. Which was far from the truth anymore. Yes, some members still held a good amount of animosity towards him but it wasn't malicious just due to holding onto their rage and guilt.</p>
<p>He chose to sit down next to the pair, but took the arm rest to spare Changkyun of the awkwardness and scrolled through his phone. Aware at how the makane stiffened ever so slightly, Kihyun held in his sigh at the fact that the maknae felt that he couldn’t even relax around them. Before long Hyunwoo came in announcing that the manager was here and immediately the room was filled with groans and complaints.</p>
<p>“Yah, get up and downstairs. I don’t want to hear any of that right now.” Kihyun scolded directed mostly at the members that were still pouting but begrudgingly grabbing their bags. Kihyun’s gaze fell to the youngest member who was grabbing his bag and water bottle from next to him as Hyungwon lazily got up and sautered towards the door following behind the others.</p>
<p>Kihyun found himself worrying and watching the youngest a lot recently, so when the other had obviously been struggling throughout dance practice and had to deal with Minhyuk and Hoseok’s sneers he went to interject when Hyunwoo placitated the situation and promised to end practice soon. Maybe he could convince Hyungwon to help the other a few hours later this week.  Kihyun grimaced silently as he saw Changkyun slip and nearly topple into Minhyuk once again through the mirror. Irritation clear on the singer's face though this time no comments slipped past his lips. </p>
<p>When Hyunwoo called an end to practice he noticed Changkyun slip closer to the leader and in a voice so quiet he almost misses the silent query as it leaves the youngests lips. “Hyung.” Kihyun acts like he’s not paying attention as he gathers his things so as not to dissuade the young rapper. "I was wondering if...if it'd be okay if I stayed back a bit longer? To work on this dance some more."</p>
<p>The unexpected request comes from the maknae and Hyunwoo makes eye contact with him from where he’s gathering his things and he nods. The maknae has never really asked anything of them and they didn’t want to spread any more discord than already present. He definitely doesn’t want it to seem like they don’t trust him since Jooheon and Hoseok are constantly staying longer.</p>
<p>Though he had some apprehension because the youngest already looked exhausted by the time practice had ended but him wanting to stay <em> longer </em> didn't seem like that's what he needed <em> . </em>On the other hand maybe practicing by himself without the sneers and snidely murmured comments of the other members would actually be beneficial for him. </p>
<p>The crease and small frown that decorated Hyunwoo's face told him he was having the same dilemma though his own nod of approval seemed to sway the leader. He hears the leader instruct the youngest to clean up and be back by curfew and with a small nod of his own the group is filing out the door.</p>
<p>Kihyun had still been apprehensive about this situation about to voice as much but the younger looked more relaxed yet concentrated which stopped him and when the younger met his gaze,  the maknae’s lips turned up ever so slightly as he gave his own nod as if trying to reassure Kihyun. He barely had time to nod and send a small smile of his own before Minhyuk was hurtling towards him and almost sent them both toppling to the ground.</p>
<p>Once home Kihyun can’t help but worry, constantly looking at the clock and worrying his lip as he prepares dinner. As he tries to distract himself he notices that Jooheon seems to be constantly checking his phone. Every little ding or buzz and the phone is instantly in his hand, but his face stays in the same frown. Kihyun wonders briefly if he’d had a disagreement with one of his friends.</p>
<p>Time seems to slow to a crawl but as the set curfew draws closer and there's no sign of Changkyun coming home yet or even calling to let them know he’s wrapping up Kihyun’s worry racks up a few notches. Considering the younger had missed dinner and not advised any of them what time he’d be back. Kihyun was regretting being so careless and so unlike his usual mother-henning self with the maknae.</p>
<p>"He probably lost track of time. You know how easy it is to do that.” Jooheon tried to placate his frayed nerves.</p>
<p>Kihyun nodded as he reached for his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Thumb hovering over the hardly utilized contact. The moment of hesitation vanishes when he presses it and the line starts to ring. The longer it rings the lower his stomach drops.</p>
<p><em> ‘The caller you have dialed cannot be reached please leave a message- ' He </em> cuts the automated female voice off before it can finish and sighs before rubbing his temples. </p>
<p>“Jooheon-ah..why don’t you go to bed, it's late and we have to be up tomorrow.” Kihyun says gently prompting the other to leave him and Hyunwoo to talk. Thankfully he takes the hint and  bids them both a goodnight, laying a gentle squeeze of reassurance on Kihyun’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“He hasn’t called or texted and curfew is due in fifteen minutes.” Kihyun says his desperation and worry leaking into his voice. With Hyunwoo he was transparent with his emotions knowing that the other would do nothing but try to help whoever was in need of it. </p>
<p>“I’m sure he’ll be home soon Kihyun. You know how our members are perfectionists and workaholics, or so seems to be the case with Wonho and Jooheon these days. They won't quit until they achieve their level of perfection”</p>
<p>Kihyun sighed again and he couldn’t dispute that. He himself had spent a significant amount of time in the studio when he couldn’t seem to get the right tone and rhythm to one of their songs. He turned to Hyunwoo seeing the other listing to one side practically asleep while trying to read some of the book he’d been recently enthralled in.</p>
<p>“Hyunwoo-ah why don’t you go to bed. You seem tired...i can stay up and wait for Changkyun.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure? I think-” He starts only to be gently cut off by Kihyun.</p>
<p>“I can handle the situation but there is no reason for both of us to stay up. “ He says cooly a finality to his tone that tells the leader that he intends to stand his ground. Thankfully the leader gives in and after some prussasion and reassurance that if the younger isn’t home soon he’d wake the leader and they'd go from there. </p>
<p><em> ‘The caller you have dialed cannot be reached please leave a message- ‘ </em>Kihyun sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that night and rested back against their love seat to wait for their youngest member.</p>
<p>When the door to their dorm clicks open and gently closes he holds his breath, half expecting it to be a figment of his imagination. It's not and seconds later Changkyun appears startled at finding Kihyun still awake.</p>
<p>“You’re late. 47 minutes late to be exact.” Kihyun said flatly looking at Changkyun with what he hoped was a disappointed yet worried expression. “Do you have no shame? We trust you with staying back and you blatantly disregard the rules we have set up. What if we had an emergency and couldn’t contact you? What if something had happened to <em> you </em>?" Kihyun said a small questioning yet irritated hum hopefully nailing his point home. "What do you have to say for yourself?” Kihyun hissed, keeping his voice low so as not to wake the others. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry hyung. I-i lost track of time while practicing and the bus ran late.” Changkyun tried to defend, refusing to meet Kihyun’s gaze and kept his eyes downward as he listened to the older man go off. Kihyun sighed when it was obvious he wasn’t going to get anywhere tonight.</p>
<p>He scrubbed a hand down his face and returned his gaze to the younger a softer expression this time. "Get to bed and get some sleep. We have to be up in a few hours. We'll talk about this later." </p>
<p>Kihyun bit his lip contemplating on what to say next. If it was any other member he would have had them in the shower and in bed with loving threats but this didn't seem like the correct situation. That feeling like he didn’t have the right to worry about the younger also increased tenfold especially when he saw the other bite his lip and the watery sheen to his eyes. He muttered a quiet goodnight and retreated to their room hoping that the younger would follow suit soon.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>×</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Days later Kihyun would come to regret his actions towards the maknae but at this point there was nothing he could do about it, just try to curb his behavior and better himself and the fractured relationship. He sometimes wishes he had their leaders level headed thinking when dealing with these kinds of things. The night after Changkyun had come home past curfew he’d camly reprimanded the younger and made sure the younger understood that this fractured their trust and he wouldn't be allowed to stay later at least for a while. Changkyun had looked like a kicked puppy throughout the whole conversation but he still nodded at Hyunwoo’s words and accepted the restricted freedoms.</p>
<p>That had been a few nights ago and he had since tried to curb his behavior and temper with the younger, though he definitely felt like this was a step backwards. A quiet murmuring fell over the room when Jooheon came in and Kihyun knew why but when said reason didn't enter behind the older rapper he frowned. Jooheon merely shook his head, as he plopped down next to Kihyun, knowing that all eyes were trained on him and his response. Eventually when everyone was settled and back to the usual loud chatter Kihyun turned his attention to the unusually quiet Jooheon. Who also turned as if he heard the silent query. His face in the same downturned expression it's been in the last few days since the incident with Changkyun had gone down.</p>
<p>"He said he'd eaten a late lunch and that he got a snack on the way home so he wasn't hungry." Jooheon said in a low mumble so only the vocalist could hear. Kihyun couldn't help the disdain he felt. The tight feeling of guilt constricting his throat so all he could do was nod but he also knew that the youngest was lying.</p>
<p>He'd been observing the younger man throughout the day and knew he hadn't hardly eaten breakfast or lunch because they'd all had a busy schedule. Literally going from one interview to another then to the practice rooms where they had spent the rest of the afternoon until their manager had come and gotten them. The only reasonable part was that Changkyun could have gotten a snack on the way home having had later vocal practice than the rest but even then the younger couldn't live off of convenience store snacks alone.</p>
<p>As the night progressed and they moved from the kitchen to the living room Kihyun felt off. Even if the youngest was quiet and very rarely interjected unless prompted, he felt as though something, in this case someone, were missing. Guilt was constantly pulling at him and settling deep inside of him at the younger's self imposed isolation. </p>
<p>Eventually worry got the better of him. Once Kihyun got the nerve he went to check up on the rapper and see if he wanted to join them, Kihyun felt like he already knew the answer but he had to try. Kihyun hated to admit it but his palms were becoming sweaty with nervousness. Probably because he knew deep down that Changkyun had the right to reject his mothering advances.</p>
<p>He stood in front of their bedroom door, the nervousness draping over him like a blanket but he pushed it aside and opened the door gently. He opened his mouth to question the youngest but stops short when he realizes the scene in front of him barely holding back a soft laugh.</p>
<p>Changkyun is curled up asleep, phone in his lax hand and ceiling light still on. This time Kihyun lets out a tsk of fond adoration. He goes forward, gently taking the phone from the boys hand and setting it on the bedside table. As gently as possible he tugs the blankets out from under and over the younger making sure that it covers the younger's whole body. Kihyun barely resisted the urge to swipe the bangs out of the maknae’s face lest he wake him.</p>
<p>Changkyun looked so young and vulnerable so unlike his usual closed off, guarded self. Kihyun feels a stab of pain run through him as he looks at the younger's sleeping form, knowing he was part of the cause of why the younger man was the way he was. Even though the maknae had faced hardships and animosity from the group Kihyun vowed to himself that Changkyun wouldn’t have to face them from him anymore he’d do everything in his power to help the other feel like part of monsta x.</p>
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<p>Though the days since the night he’d come home late had been tense for a lack of better words, Kihyun had been colder and distant since then and Changkyun felt the little bit of progress that had been made had taken two steps back. The older had once again gone back to where they had started, the only time Kihyun or any of the others acknowledged him was to criticize or scold him about something he’d done or invite him to eat with them though Changkyun figured that was more out of obligation then actually wanting him there. Luckily in front of the camera’s they had put on a good front, joking around with him as though they were the perfect ideal group and any animosity from No Mercy was forgotten.</p>
<p>Changkyun sighed if only that were the actual truth of his situation.</p>
<p>“Yah dinners ready. Come and get it.” He heard Kihyun yell from the kitchen. He heard the bed on the other side of the room creak as Jooheon who’d been scribbling down lyrics in his own notebook for the last thirty minutes got up and padded towards the door. He didn’t hear the door either open or closed so he pulled an earbud out and looked up to meet Jooheon’s eyes. </p>
<p>“Aren’t you coming?”Jooheon said eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his apparent lack of movement.</p>
<p>“Coming where?” Changkyun asked dumbly, he could have smacked himself when he realized what the other was asking.</p>
<p>“To dinner of course?” Jooheon's face morphing into one of confusion and something that resembled worry? </p>
<p>“Ah, no-.” Changkyun quickly amended at Jooheon’s cocked eyebrow “I had a late lunch at the company and got something at the convenience store earlier, thank you though hyung.” </p>
<p>Jooheon frowned and opened his mouth to say something but seemed to decide against it as he closed it and nodded muttering out that he'd let the others know of his decision.</p>
<p>There was a quiet hushed whispers when he assumed Jooheon entered but the hushed whispers didn’t last long because even through his ear buds he could hear the sound of laughter and joking tones. His heart clenched and the pen in his grip was held that much tighter. His throat suddenly grew tight with emotion.</p>
<p><em> 'Why could they never laugh like that with me?' </em> He thought as he heard another round of giggles and mock anger. Yes, he understands that <em> they all </em> hate him but if he was being honest with himself he felt lonely. Going solo and keeping all these emotions and thoughts to himself was starting to take a toll on him. His homesickness and general anxieties were starting to get to him, sometimes he questioned whether debuting was worth all of this.</p>
<p>Eventually when the clock hands were slowly nearing eleven o'clock he decides to turn in. Better they think he was asleep then have to face they're cold attitudes and obligated kindness towards him. Just in time seemingly because as soon as he had laid down and closed his eyes ready to drop into his usual restless sleep he heard footsteps approaching.</p>
<p>Evening out his breathing he had to refrain from his breath catching when their door opened and who he figured was Kihyun came in. He could practically feel the vocalist's gaze boring into him but soon enough a small tsk left his mouth, a seemingly exclusive Kihyun trait, as he heard the small lamp click on and a softer less harsh glow illuminate the room as the older flicked off the ceiling light.</p>
<p>He nearly started when his blankets were tugged up, around his shoulders and smoothed out to where they covered him completely. He opened his eyes as the door slid closed gently signaling the elders departure, a soft smile playing on his features. A warm feeling bloomed in his chest at the older's caring gestures. Maybe just maybe everything would work itself out and all of this would be worth it. </p>
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<p>He was in one of the company studio's writing some raps or at least trying to. Today's impending schedule was making him nervous because coming off their day off he didn't know how his hyungs mood would be after having tried to stay out of their way, hoping they wouldn't take it as evasion or disrespect. Though he figured it was basically him trying to avoid their scrutiny and annoyance at him. He'd been spending most of his time at the company, either going through their dance routines or in their shared studio trying to write like he was now.</p>
<p>Though Kihyun had been outwardly less aggressive and more caring like he'd been before Changkyun had ruined it. Honestly though he could get used to the warm fuzzy feelings in his chest that he felt when Kihyun asked if he was hungry or offered some helpful advice during practices. Changkyun definitely thought that last night was a step in the right direction and he would do everything in his power to keep it going in that direction.</p>
<p>He was so caught up in his thoughts that the door to the room slamming closed startled him enough that he jumped and a small gasp left him. The snickers and condensing chuckles made his stomach drop.</p>
<p>"What's up Changkyun. Oh, or is it I.M." the sneering tone of one of four trainees said as they approached him made him involuntarily curl into himself. He made to get up and leave not wanting any confrontation today but a harsh grip on his upper arm caught him and all but threw him back into the desk.</p>
<p><em> 'That's going to leave a mark.' </em> Changkyun thought to himself as a small grunt of pain left him.</p>
<p>"Where are you going? Don't wanna hang out with us? Just like your own group doesn’t want to be around you." The leader of the group said as Changkgun tried once again to wriggle out of their grip to no avail. </p>
<p>"Please let me go." Changkyun muttered to sneers and mocking imitations of his quiet plea.</p>
<p>“Why should we?” One of the trainee’s hissed at him.</p>
<p>"What's wrong got nothing to say?" The oldest trainee said, grabbing Changkyun’s face to force his gaze up at him.</p>
<p>The leader seemingly agitated at his lack of response nodded to the others and the vice like grips on his body disappeared. The next thing Changkyun knew he was knocked off balance. His side catching painfully on the side of the desk once again, his momentum being abruptly stopped when his body slammed painfully into the wall, back taking the brunt of the force, a small whimper of pain being the only thing that left his lips.</p>
<p>"See ya later, I.M." The trainees sing songed as they shot him scorn filled goodbye's that promised more to come.</p>
<p>The door slamming closed seemed to be the catalyst of his emotions boiling over. He tried to hold it in but the salty tears spilling over his cheeks told him he'd not been successful in his efforts. Crying seemed to be his body's natural reaction as of late and he hated it. Eventually he got up, rather slowly and stiffly for his liking, rubbing his eyes as he went. He had to get himself together his group couldn’t know what was happening, they’d consider him weak and he was already dragging them down as it was.</p>
<p>Slowly he headed to the practice room to meet his group mates for the agreed practice time. He was already on thin ice enough and didn't want to know how they would react if he was late especially since they were all in the same building.</p>
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